Hi and sorry for the long absence! I really have no excuse, other than I’ve just been busy with life in general. Never too busy to listen to the radio, though. (I’m an incurable CBC radio junky).
I went for a short drive on Sunday, and I ended up idling my car at a parking lot because this documentary was playing on CBC: How does your engine run? It was a fascinating piece about a pilot project in schools in Surrey, British Columbia, where teachers are training kids to self-regulate their behaviour.
The gist of the story is that these teachers are dealing with behaviour issues driven by stress in a very interesting way: by identifying what is stressing each kid and offering individual solutions for them. For instance, one girl is so hyper that when her behaviour is spiraling out of control, she goes for a run to calm down. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of a class. Another kid just hates his chair and can’t focus, so he gets to seat on a special cushion. It has nothing to do with discipline —it’s all about observing and understanding each kid’s needs. And it’s all about each kid identifying their own tipping point at doing something about it.
But wait, isn’t this supposed to be a post about positive parenting? Yes! I found this story to be perfectly in tune with one of the principles of positive parenting that we’ve been talking about: treating children with respect. So many times, in so many instances, I feel that we look at our children from the top down, and we reach conclusions about their behaviour that in reality have nothing to do with what is going on in their minds and bodies.
I think respect means that, even from a very early age —from Day One, I’d say— we should try to listen to what our kids are trying to tell us, instead of projecting our ideas onto them. And we should really toss away that obsolete notion that kids behave badly just to make us feel bad. Treating our kids with respect means that we understand their behaviour is not about us, but rather about something they need and are trying to communicate to us.
It seems to me that respect is at the heart of this idea of teaching self-regulation to children, because it forces us to trust their ability to understand themselves; to trust that they can identify their own limits and deal with them, even from a very early age. Simply put, respecting our children empowers them.
So yes, I think positive parenting has a lot to do with teaching self-regulation. And I think I’m on the right track, because my friend E., from The Mindful Parent, also recommended the CBC doc to me 🙂
I encourage you to check it out. Read the story and listen to the doc here.
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Have a great week!